Texas longhorn elected town mayor
(Callus, Texas) After months of unrest and scandal, the city of Callus, Texas has sworn in a new mayor and with him comes renewed hopes for stability and cooperation.On Tuesday, Clint Jacobs , a longhorn steer, was elected mayor and unoffically christened the town's "hero". The occasion marked a uplifting conclusion to a nearly-three month long saga for the tiny town of 500 citizens.
The town's troubles began in February when former mayor John Studard was cited by authorities on several counts of animal cruelty. Subsequent police reports showed Studard had been housing up to 100 head of cattle in his backyard, in an area not much larger than a dual car garage. The Callus City Council, bowing to pressure from the citizen watchdog "CowPeople", immediately called for Studard's resignation.
"John was running a cow mill," says Sheriff's Deputy Trace Harvey, "He was using milk for black market profits and earned about $10,000 a month from milk sales alone."
While running his bogus business, Studard kept the cows in terrible condition, often neglecting to feed them for weeks at a time.
On February 26, city firefighters were called to a house fire on Orchard Street. It was John Studard's house. Little did anyone know that Clint Jacobs, the town's next mayor, was among the 100 bovines imprisioned in Studard's backyard, trying to escape the fire.
"We were losing about 10 cows a minute to the heat and smoke," Jacobs said Wednesday from his new office on Main Street. "I remember thinking 'we may never make it out of this mess'."
The fire was so severe, it jumped over to Jack Simpson's house next door and trapped his family inside.
"We were screaming and pretty much convinced that we were done for," Simpson said, "But that's when Clint {Jacobs} came trotting through our back door."
Jacobs, who had lead the surviving members from the herd to safety through a hole in Studard's backyard fence, raced over to Simpson's house as soon as he spotted the danger.
"We just jumped on his back and {Jacobs} took us outside where the fire fighters were waiting," Simpson said, "They were so amazed. They thought Clint was just another stupid cow."
But Jacobs quickly proved he was not just another "stupid cow". He was a cow with a mission.
Soon after the fire, Jacobs testified in Studard's trial, which resulted in Studard's March 2nd sentance of six-months in the county jail, two-years probation, and a $5,000 fine.
"I felt bad for John and his family. His kids thought their dad was a regular milkman-mayor, who was on the up and up," said Jacobs Wendesday, "But sadly, that wasn't the case."
With the old mayor gone, the town looked for a new executive. Jacob's name was the first and only nomination placed on the ballot for the special election held on Tuesday.
Jacob's was elected mayor with a record 89% percent of the vote.
"Clint's just a real class-act," said Nancy Baker, who owns the only thrift store in town, "A lot of people would have given up, but he persevered."
She's not the only one who's impressed with the new mayor.
"Mayor Jacobs may be a cow, but so far he's an outstanding mayor," said City Clerk Yvonne Marshall, "He's terrible at parlimentary procedure, but he understands city code as well as anyone."
She said that in time, she expects the new mayor to fully hit his stride. "No pun intended with the whole running cow analogy," added Marshall.
Jacobs on Wednesday seemed reflective and ready to tackle the challenges his new position will bring.
"I'm just lucky to be here. I'm ready to work for the people of Callus," said Jacobs.
2 Comments:
Ike...hilarious as always.
Keep up the great work.
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