Supreme court justice admits to steroid abuse

(Washington D.C.) Several weeks after super slugger Barry Bonds was ridiculed in the press for an aledged use of performance enhancing steroids, Chief Justice William Rehnquist admitted Monday to using bovine hermone steroid on an occasional basis since 1996.

In an interview with E! Hollywood Exclusive, Rehnquist stated the usage has, in the past, resembled that of a full-blown addiction. "I started using bovine steroid as a way to catch the eye of some of my fellow justices. It was a very tumultuous time. (Justice Antonin) Scalia, was on the Atkins diet, which had just come out, and I felt pressure from my peers, not to mention certain teen magazines, to improve my image."

"I had absolutely no idea this was going on...it's inconceivable," said Sen. John Kerry Tuesday morning. "You just would have never expected it from a guy like Bill."

The announcement didn't suprise several of Rehnquist's colleagues who finally found justification for the 1999 incident in which the Chief Justice reportedly threw his fist through a wooden cloak room door panel.

"That was thick oak. I was shocked that he didn't break his hand," recalled Justice John Paul Stevens, "He just laughed and then threatened to punch me if I told anyone about it."

Justice David Hackett Souter felt the Chief Justice owed the entire Supreme Court an apology. "I'm completely aghast by this amazing revelation. The Chief Justice used tell me he had put some lead weights in his gavel and was trying to 'tone up' for what he called, 'some hotties'. What complete farcal grandstanding! I realize now there was no lead weight, and there certainly were no 'hotties'."

This sums up a tramatic week for the Court, which was earlier stunned by the news of Ruth Bader Ginsberg's faked abduction. Ginsberg later confessed she had escaped to New Mexico on her own accord.

"She had had it up to here with the court and all the drama," said Court Clerk Florence Hogaboam, pointing to her neck, "She said she had no where to turn. She had to run away."