Bush adopts Department of Neverland Security

(Washington, D.C.) At a press conference this morning in the East Room of the White House, President Bush signed a bill creating a new cabinet-level department focused on fighting terror beyond the United States. The Department of Neverland Security, as H.R. 20045 officially names the new agency, will be charged with uniting intelligence sources throughout the isle of Neverland.

"Today we renew our effort to keep an important homeland secure," said President George W. Bush at the event "In recent months, Neverland has become a target for Al-Queda. From Captain Hook's harbor, to the old hollowed out tree of the 'lost boys', this eternal bastion for peace and freedom is under a serious threat."

Peter 'Bucky' Pan-Humphrey, known to millions of earth children and Neverland natives as 'Peter Pan', was on hand to witness the signing of the bill, which he says will go far in protecting his home island. "I am greatful for President Bush's dedication to fighting terrorism in all corners of the universe, even in Neverland. Tinkerbell is going to flip-out when she hears about this!"

Suzanne 'Tinkerbell' Flanders, a 6-inch pixie who has been mute since her formation in a cabbage patch 56 years ago, was unable to attend the bill signing. Her spokespixieman's website reported earlier in the day that she had been having some complications with her dust glands and was awaiting surgery.

The announcement of the department has come as welcome news for many frequenters of Neverland, who have been hit hard with the news that Captain Hook has alledged ties to Al-Queda. Although Hook denies the claims, sources close to the CIA have revealed possible conntections to Hook and the funneling of peppermint candies and monopoly money to terrorist cells throughout the region.

In other news, pop superstar Michael Jackson released an initial statemen offering his support for the creation of the new department, under the assumption that the department was intended to protect his now infamous 'Neverland Ranch'. Later in the day, Jackson's publicist released a statement recending the earlier press release.