Reports of rampant abuse surface on S.S. Enterprise

(Deep Space) The Intergalactic community was rocked today by new reports of rampant crew abuse aboard the S.S. Enterprise Starship. "The reports we are getting are absolutely stunning. There appears to be a very real presence of both verbal and physical abuse occuring in the far reaches of deep space," a government official told reporters Friday, "We have reason to believe that Captain James T. Kirk is playing a role in these incidents."

While rumors of a friendly leg-kick or fist-punch among crewmates have been circulating for months, the new reports shed light upon an apparent 'culture of fear' that has been looming over the crew for nearly two decades.

"Ever since our reality TV show back in the 1960's was cancelled and the movie offers ended, Capatin Kirk just sort of snapped," said Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery "Scotty" Scott, head manager of the Enterprise's Power and Teleport Subunit. "The last 15 to 20 years have been tough on the crew."

Reports of "crowbar beatings to the shins" and bizarre "hazing rituals" initiated by Kirk, are beginning to paint a picture of a man collegues say is beginning to show signs of unravelling.

One crewmate recalls an instance in which Kirk used a fazer to "burn the arm" of a young cadet. "At first, {Kirk} was using the instrument to diagnose a stress fracture in the young man's arm," said Lt. Cmdr. Spock Vorack, "{but} he kept doing this for the next thirty minutes, until the boy's arm had turned a deep shade of red. It was obvious that he just meant to hurt the kid."

Kirk's spokesman was quick to point out that many of these claims are unsubstantiated and that there have been other crewmembers slapped with abuse allagations in the past. The spokeman was referring to the 1975 Lt. Cmdr. Leonard H. "Bones" McCoy M.D. scandal in which the doctor allegedly allowed a patient choke to death on a tongue depressor. McCoy has long denied the claims, but it marked the first instance in which questions of the cew's character began surfacing.

"I think Captain Kirk has stepped way out of line in terms of how he's treated the crew," said nurse Christine Chapel in a recent email. "I can't even talk to people on the phone right now because the Captain has ordered the phone to be ripped out of the walls! It's pure madness aboard this ship!"

Officials say a complete investigation into Kirk's recent conduct will be completed over the next few weeks. But many are hesitant to speculate into what possible punishments may by handed down, in the event Kirk is found guilty.

An intitial Intergalactic inquiry hearing is scheduled for later this afternoon.